Surviving the Holidays
Supporting Young People When Holidays are Hard
The holiday season is often described as magical, joyful, and connected. But for many children, youth and young adults (and their families)—especially those involved in our local system of care—the holidays can feel overwhelming, lonely, or unsafe.
For some, this time of year brings reminders of what’s missing: stability, loved ones, traditions, safety, or community. For others, added pressure, disrupted routines, financial stress, emotional triggers, or family conflict can make it an incredibly challenging season. The contrast between perceptions or beliefs about how the holidays should be and how they actually are can create (or deepen) feelings of disconnection or distress.
A trauma-informed lens reminds us that every person’s experience of the holidays is different, and that showing compassion and flexibility can minimize re-traumatization of young people during the coming season.
A Trauma-Informed Approach
Being trauma-informed means recognizing that behaviors are communication and that people carry unseen stories. Reframing our interpretation of a young person’s emotional reactions as a potential response to past or present trauma can help us to prioritize safety, empowerment, choice, and connection over judgment and assumption. This exercise in curiosity and empathy can actually reduce distress and improve self-regulation for everyone involved.
As we enter the holiday season, there are many things each of us can do to support the children, youth and young adults we encounter.
Honor individual experiences and emotions
This time of year is not always filled with happiness and excitement. Some feel grief, anger, resentment, dread, or numbness. For those who are separated from or have lost loved ones, living in residential settings, navigating foster care, or experiencing homelessness, the holidays may intensify feelings of not belonging.
Some supportive responses when the holidays bring up difficult or negative feelings:
· “It’s okay if the holidays feel hard instead of exciting.”
· “Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling about the holidays. I’m so glad you told me.”
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Trauma-informed means understanding that many people have gone through difficult or painful experiences, and those experiences can affect how they think, feel, and behave. Being trauma-informed means responding with empathy, patience, and respect—creating environments where people feel safe, supported, and not judged.
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Re-traumatization is when something in the present triggers memories or feelings from past trauma and causes a person to feel like they are reliving that pain again. It can happen even if no harm is meant. Loud voices, certain words, places, or situations can bring back intense emotions or reactions.
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Self-regulation is a person’s ability to calm their body and emotions when they feel stressed, overwhelmed, or upset. It includes strategies like deep breathing, taking a break, moving around, or using coping skills to feel more in control and safe.
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The nervous system is the part of the body that controls how we think, feel, and respond to stress. When something feels dangerous—physically or emotionally—our nervous system reacts automatically to protect us (fight, flight, freeze, or shut down). When we feel safe, it helps us relax, connect, and learn.
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System-involved youth are young people who are connected to public systems such as child welfare, foster care, juvenile justice, mental health services, or housing and homelessness programs. They may have experienced instability or trauma and are working with these systems for support, safety, or services.
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Boundaries are healthy limits we set to protect our well-being—emotionally, physically, and mentally. Boundaries help us communicate what is okay and what is not okay. They allow us to feel safe, respected, and in control of our time, space, and energy.
Maintain routines where possible
Predictability helps our nervous system feel safe and regulated. Holiday schedules can be chaotic—school breaks, program closures, late nights, or travel—and unpredictability can be especially triggering for young people with trauma histories.
Adults can support young people who are deeply affected by holiday routine changes by offering structure, maintaining routines where possible, setting schedules, and setting clear expectations.
Avoid assumptions
During the holiday season, it’s common to casually ask about upcoming celebrations. However, questions about holiday celebrations can bring up difficult memories or feelings for system-involved youth or young people experiencing trauma.
When you aren’t sure about a young person’s experiences or do not know them well, it’s often best to avoid asking about holiday plans altogether. If you do want to ask, you can focus on using open-ended language such as asking what they are looking forward to soon.
Offer (and honor) choices
Experiencing trauma often leads to feelings of being out of control. Creating opportunities to be in control can help build a sense of safety and autonomy. Even small choices (what activities to participate in, what foods they prefer, whether they want pictures taken, etc.) can support emotional regulation and empowerment. It’s critical to remember that once a choice is offered, their decision should be honored—only offer options that you can follow through with!
Create space for regulating
The pressure to be cheerful can make it harder for young people to express needs. Identify—and encourage them to use—quiet, private spaces for breaks; sensory tools and strategies; and mental health supports.
Model self-regulation and co-regulation where appropriate: slow breathing, taking breaks, etc.
Support healthy boundaries
Boundaries protect emotional and physical safety. This is particularly important for children, youth and young adults who have strained or unsafe relationships with people they may be spending time with during the holidays. If you’re in a role to help a young person set boundaries, focus on helping them identify things they can do to increase a sense of safety and control—walking away when difficult topics are discussed, choosing not to attend a gathering where a particular person will be present, etc. If a young person is attempting to set boundaries—even if they don’t do it perfectly—we should do our best to honor them and prioritize safety and connection.
For System-Involved Youth
Children and youth who are justice-involved, child welfare-involved, unhoused, or managing mental health crises may feel especially disconnected during the holidays. They may be missing family, navigating stigma, or feeling forgotten.
What helps:
Reliable supportive adults
Safe spaces to talk openly without judgment
Intentional efforts to build belonging and community
Rituals and traditions that promote meaning
Encouragement rather than pressure to participate
Connection—even brief moments—matters.
If You Support Young People (professionally or personally)
You don’t have to fix anything—simply being present is the best way to support a young person who is having a hard time during the holiday season. Try:
Asking, “How can I support you right now?”
Listening more than problem-solving
Checking in after events or schedule changes
Being patient with behavior during stress
Offering genuine empathy
Small acts of care can change the way someone experiences the holidays.
You Are Not Alone
No matter how you are entering this season—exhausted, hopeful, grieving, overwhelmed, or somewhere in between—it’s important to acknowledge your feelings. Healing rarely happens in quiet, peaceful moments; sometimes it happens while simply surviving.
Below, we will share additional resources and strategies tailored to specific experiences and needs.
