Small Moments, Big Impacts
Simple ways to strengthen parent-child connections this school year
Across the Heart of Texas region, young people are headed back to school. This time can be filled with excitement or anxiety—and often both at the same time—for students and their parents and caregivers, too. Children and teens are navigating the shift in daily routines, adapting to new expectations and environments, and reconnecting with their peers. Meanwhile, their parents and caregivers are balancing all of the logistics associated with the back-to-school season and working to support their children’s success in the new school year.
We know that parents and caregivers have the ability to significantly impact their child’s school success. In fact, research supports that positive parent-child and caregiver-child relationships are associated with greater learning engagement.[1] When parents and caregivers are involved in their children’s learning, it improves students’ beliefs about their academic abilities and their relationships with their teachers.[2] Yet so often, parents and caregivers feel overwhelmed or unsure about how to meaningfully connect with their child or teen and how to get involved in their learning.
It’s okay to find it challenging to connect with the young people in your life. The good news is that strong bonds between parents and caregivers and their children are formed through routine moments of safety and connection. If you’re looking for intentional ways to connect with your child or teen this school year, read on!
Asking Better Questions
If you’ve ever had a child in school, you’ve likely experienced asking your child, “How was school today?” and receiving the dreaded one-word response. “Fine.” The conversation is over before it even started. It may feel like your young person isn’t interested in connecting with you, but that isn’t necessarily the case. Many children and teens find it difficult to take all of the experiences they’ve had during their day, sort out what feels most important to talk about, and then communicate about it in a way that you’ll understand. Changing the way we check in with them can make all the difference.
Here are some questions you could ask instead:
Who did you spend the most time with today, and what did you do together?
What made you laugh today?
What’s one thing you learned (or practiced) today that you didn’t know before?
If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?
Was there a moment today that you felt proud (or frustrated, surprised, etc.)?
What are you looking forward to about tomorrow?
What’s the most interesting thing you saw or heard today?
Asking more specific questions may help young people narrow down what they’d like to talk about. Just be sure to keep the questions open-ended to avoid being met with only yesses or nos!
Making Time for Connection
Most of us have heard about the benefits of sharing meals together, but that is easier said than done for many families. Parents and caregivers are often balancing over-full plates—demanding jobs, managing conflicting schedules, and juggling all of the things that keep adults so incredibly busy and tired. Sometimes sitting down together for meals as a family just isn’t feasible, at least consistently.
If making time for togetherness with your child (or children) feels daunting, you aren’t alone. Together time doesn’t have to be high quantity as long as it is high quality. And there are many opportunities in our day for connection that we may overlook as parents and caregivers:
Morning Send-Off Ritual – Even if it’s just 30 seconds, make the goodbye special with a consistent phrase, handshake, or hug before school. That predictability helps kids feel grounded and seen.
After-School Transition Moment – When you first see them after school or activities (even if it’s hours later), take a pause to greet and reconnect before diving into the next routine.
Bedtime Check-In – For younger kids, a short story, song, or snuggle. For teens, it might be sitting on the edge of the bed to ask a light question or share something from your day. This can be just 2–5 minutes but builds consistency.
Commute Connection – Use car rides, bus stops, or even walking to/from activities for low-pressure conversation or sharing interests like music. Many kids open up more without direct eye contact.
Micro-Moments of Affection – A quick hug while passing in the hall, a sticky note on their backpack, a shared inside joke, or a funny meme sent during the day. These tiny gestures tell them “I’m thinking of you” without needing a block of time.
Shifting the Focus
When it comes to connecting with your child or teen about their education or after-school activities, it can be hard to balance encouraging success with leaving room for them to still be learning and growing. It’s natural for parents and caregivers to want the young people we love to work hard and achieve well, and kids benefit from the important adults in their lives having high (but achievable!) expectations. Shifting our focus from results to emphasizing efforts, growth, and personal strengths can help us be more involved with our children’s learning without creating extra pressure or stress.
Here are things you can say when your child or teen experiences success:
I noticed how much focus you put into that.
That took a lot of patience—well done.
You found a creative way to solve that problem.
The way you explained that shows how much you’ve learned.
You handled that with a lot of maturity.
And some ways to encourage them when they face a setback, challenge, or disappointment:
You really stuck with it, even when it got tricky.
You didn’t give up, even when it was frustrating.
You’re getting better at this every time you try.
That was a brave thing to do.
I’m proud of the way you kept trying different approaches.
Building strong relationships with children and teens doesn’t require grand gestures—it’s built through consistent, caring actions over time. By asking better questions, finding small but meaningful moments to connect, and focusing on encouragement rather than constant evaluation, parents and caregivers can help young people feel seen, supported, and capable. The start of a new school year is a perfect opportunity to strengthen these bonds. Even in the busyness of everyday life, your presence, your words, and your attention make a difference. Every moment of connection—no matter how brief—helps set the stage for your child’s confidence, resilience, and success, both in school and beyond.
[1] Shao, Y., & Kang, S. (2022). The link between parent–child relationship and learning engagement among adolescents: The chain mediating roles of learning motivation and academic self-efficacy. Frontiers in Education, 7. https://doi.org/10.3389/feduc.2022.854549
[2] Topor DR, Keane SP, Shelton TL, Calkins SD. Parent involvement and student academic performance: a multiple mediational analysis. J Prev Interv Community. 2010;38(3):183-97. doi: 10.1080/10852352.2010.486297. PMID: 20603757; PMCID: PMC3020099.
